150 Best Marriage Puns and Jokes That Will Tie the Knot With Laughter

Ready to say “I do” to some laughter? Whether you’re planning a wedding, celebrating an anniversary, or just love a good chuckle, we’ve got you covered. Get ready to explore a collection of hilarious marriage puns and jokes that are guaranteed to make you and your partner smile.

From “knot” so serious one-liners to wedding-themed wordplay, this post is packed with humor for every couple. Prepare for some groan-worthy puns and genuinely funny jokes that perfectly capture the ups and downs of married life.

So, grab your significant other, settle in, and let’s dive into the wonderful world of marriage puns and jokes. You might even find the perfect material for your next anniversary card!

Best Marriage Puns and Jokes That Will Tie the Knot With Laughter

• I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
• My wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally gave her a glue stick. She’s still not talking to me, but things are finally starting to stick between us.
• Marriage is like a walk in the park… Jurassic Park.
• What did the cell phone say to the ring? “You gotta get a signal, I can’t hear a word!”
• Why did the couple get married at the library? Because they had a lot of chapters together.
• My wife said she needed space, so I built her a rocket. Now she wants to talk about our “communication issues”.
• A newlywed couple was at the airport. The wife turned to her husband and said, “I can’t believe we’re off on our honeymoon.” The husband replied, “Me neither, let’s go find a bar.”
• I tried to explain to my wife that I’m a ‘glass half-full’ kind of guy. She just said, “That’s because you always drink half of my glass.”
• I never knew what true happiness was until I got married; and then it was too late.
• My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
• A man was complaining about his wife’s cooking. His friend said, “I don’t have those problems; my wife is a great cook.” The man replied, “Yes, but your wife isn’t married to me.”
• Why did the two antennas get married? Because they were so in sync.
• The secret to a happy marriage remains a secret.
• My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing it. So I took it to the cinema. She was not happy.
• My wife said, “If we argue, I can’t hear you.” I said, “That’s because I’m speaking to you through text.”

Marriage Puns: The Perfect Match for Humor

Looking for a fun way to celebrate love? Marriage puns are your answer! They offer lighthearted humor, perfect for wedding toasts or anniversary cards. From “we’re a perfect match” to “I donut know what I’d do without you,” these jokes add a playful touch to any marital occasion. They’re the…

• My wife and I have an understanding; I understand she’s always right.
• Our marriage is like a deck of cards, we have our ups and downs, but I always seem to be holding the jokers.
• I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high; she looked surprised, which only made them higher.
• My husband’s love for me is like a good wifi signal; always there, but sometimes a little weak in the bedroom.
• Marriage is a workshop where the husband always has to be the ‘tool’ of the trade.
• My wife’s cooking is like a box of chocolates; you never know what you’re gonna get, or if you’ll be able to identify it.
• I thought I was marrying my soulmate, turns out it was just my ‘sole’ mate, and they steal all my socks.
• My husband’s sense of direction is so bad; he once used a map of our bedroom to find the bathroom, and still ended up in the kitchen.
• Marriage is like a walk in the park, mostly because you have to pick up all the dog poop.
• My wife and I were having a disagreement about who does more chores. It ended with me doing all the dishes.
• I told my husband his jokes were getting old; he said, “I’m not aging, I’m marinating,” which is technically true, and also made me groan.
• Our marriage is like a fine wine, it gets better with age, and sometimes you just need to open it up and let it breathe.
• My wife and I were having a debate about who’s the better driver. I think I won, she just uses the car as a mobile dressing room.
• Marriage is a series of shared moments, like when we both reach for the last slice of pizza at the same time, and it’s a real ‘slice’ of life.
• I tried to help my wife with her spreadsheet, but I think I just added to the ‘cell’ of chaos, and now she says I have to pay for her therapy.

Wedding Jokes: Tying the Knot with Laughter

Planning a wedding? Don’t forget the laughter! “Wedding Jokes: Tying the Knot with Laughter” explores the humorous side of marriage. From cheesy puns about getting hitched to relatable jokes about in-laws, this collection promises to lighten the mood. It’s the perfect way to add some fun to the big day.

• My husband’s cooking is so unpredictable, it’s like a culinary version of Russian roulette.
• I told my wife she was being a bit too clingy, she then proceeded to glue herself to me with her crafting glue, it was a real ‘stick’ together situation.
• Our marriage is like a deck of cards, we have our ups and downs, but I always seem to be holding all the jokers, and also the bills.
• My wife’s ability to find things is uncanny; it’s like she has a ‘where did I put my sanity?’ radar, and I’m always the target, but also I find my lost keys, so it’s a win-win.
• Marriage is like a walk in the park… Jurassic Park, mostly because of all the prehistoric arguments.
• I tried to help my wife with her new organizational system, but she said I was just adding to the ‘systematic’ chaos, a real ‘file’ of trouble.
• My husband said he was going to try and be more spontaneous, so he reorganized the entire fridge by the expiration dates of all the condiments, a real ‘shelf’ surprise.
• I told my wife she was being dramatic, she then hired a full orchestra to play a sad melody whenever I disagreed with her.
• My wife’s talent for online shopping is so good, she could probably find a discount code for a black hole, and also she’s always buying new things, a real ‘cart’ expert.
• My husband’s sense of direction is so unique, he once used a map of our sock drawer to try and find the kitchen.
• Our marriage is like a fine wine, it gets better with age, but sometimes you just need to open it up and let it breathe, or just put a cork in it for a bit.
• I tried to help my wife with her new app, but she said I was just adding to the ‘motherboard’ of problems, a real ‘byte’ of a disaster.
• My wife and I were having a debate about who does more chores, it ended with me doing all the dishes, a real ‘wash’ out of a conversation.
• My wife said she was on a ‘see-food’ diet, then proceeded to eat all the leftovers I was saving for lunch, a real ‘plate’ pilferer.
• My husband’s attempts at fixing things are always a mix of ‘handy’ and ‘disaster’; he either creates something amazing or something that requires immediate professional help, usually involving a lot of duct tape and a cry for help.

Relationship Puns: Love and Laughter in Equal Measure

Marriage can be a serious commitment, but it doesn’t have to be serious all the time! “Relationship Puns: Love and Laughter in Equal Measure” explores the humor within unions. From “I love you berry much” to “We make a great pear,” these jokes lighten the mood, proving that shared laughter…

• My spouse is like a fine wine; they get better with age, but sometimes I need to open them up to let them breathe and also check for sediment.
• Our relationship is like a well-written book, full of plot twists and unexpected chapters, but I think we skipped the index.
• My partner’s cooking is so unpredictable, it’s a culinary mystery, a real “what’s for dinner” thriller.
• Marriage is a workshop; my partner is always finding new ways to improve me, usually with a lot of duct tape and a level.
• Our love is like a Wi-Fi signal, strong and reliable, except when I’m trying to stream a movie.
• My spouse’s sense of direction is so unique; they could get lost in a revolving door.
• Being married is like having a permanent roommate who also knows all your passwords, and also your deepest fears.
• Our relationship is like a garden; it requires constant attention, a lot of patience, and also a good pair of gloves.
• My partner’s ability to find things is so good, they could probably find my missing socks from another dimension.
• Marriage is a puzzle; sometimes the pieces fit perfectly, sometimes you have to force them, and sometimes you just give up and buy a new puzzle.
• Our love is like a fine-tuned instrument, always in harmony, except when we’re trying to decide what to watch on TV.
• My spouse’s fashion sense is so unique, they could make a potato sack look like haute couture, and then ask me to rate it.
• Being married is like a shared Google Calendar; it’s always full of appointments, deadlines, and a lot of reminders that I’m still not doing enough.
• My partner is like a human search engine; they can find the answer to anything, even the questions I didn’t know I had.
• Our relationship is like a road trip, full of scenic views, unexpected detours, and a lot of “are we there yet?” moments.

Husband Jokes: The Funny Side of Saying “I Do”

Marriage is a serious commitment, but who says we can’t laugh along the way? “Husband Jokes” explore the funny side of saying “I do,” often leaning into relatable scenarios and playful stereotypes. These jokes, a key part of marriage puns and humor, remind us that even amidst the serious stuff,…

• My husband’s attempts at being romantic are like a broken GPS, always leading to unexpected detours and sometimes the wrong destination.
• My husband’s cooking is so unpredictable, it’s like a culinary game of roulette, sometimes it’s a gourmet meal, sometimes it’s a mystery ingredient surprise.
• My husband said he was going to embrace minimalism, then proceeded to organize his collection of mismatched socks by the shade of their stripes and the day of the week he *thinks* he last wore them.
• My husband’s sense of direction is so unique, he once used a map of our spice rack to find the bathroom.
• My husband’s ability to find things is inversely proportional to how hard I look; it’s like a game of hide-and-seek he always wins, and I lose my sanity.
• My husband’s love for napping is so intense, he can fall asleep anywhere, anytime, it’s a real talent that I am sometimes jealous of.
• My husband’s DIY skills are a mix of ‘handy’ and ‘disaster’, he either creates something amazing or something that requires immediate professional help, usually with a lot of duct tape and some creative thinking.
• My husband’s sense of style is so unique; he could make a pair of Crocs look like high fashion, and then ask me if I like them, and I will say yes, because I love him.
• My husband’s jokes are so bad, they should come with a warning label: “May cause excessive eye-rolling and groaning,” and also the urge to leave the room.
• My husband’s ability to misplace things is so impressive, he could lose his own shadow in broad daylight, a real ‘misplace-ter’ of epic proportions, and then blame me for moving them.
• My husband’s multi-tasking skills are impressive; he can simultaneously watch TV, text, and give me the ‘I’m listening’ nod, all while asleep.
• My husband is like a human thesaurus of dad jokes; he always has a pun ready, whether it makes sense or not, and I always groan, and then secretly laugh.
• I told my husband he should try stand-up comedy; he said, “I’m already a ‘dad’ joke pro, isn’t that enough, and also a comedian to you, everyday?”
• My husband’s attempts at organizing are always a mix of chaos and good intentions, he always alphabetizes things, and then can never find them, a real ‘filing’ system of disorder.
• I asked my husband if he was listening; he said, “Of course, I’m just multitasking by not hearing you,” and I know he’s kidding, mostly.

Wife Puns: She’s Got a Way With Words (and a Ring)

Marriage puns are a riot, and “Wife Puns: She’s Got a Way With Words (and a Ring)” takes center stage! It’s all about clever wordplay centered on wives, from “I love you a latte” to “She’s my butter half.” Expect a mix of sweet and silly, perfect for couples who…

• My wife’s like a human thesaurus, always finding new ways to say “you’re wrong.”
• Our marriage is a real page-turner, but I think we skipped the chapter on “how to load the dishwasher.”
• My wife’s cooking is a culinary adventure, sometimes it’s a Michelin star meal, sometimes it’s…well, an experience.
• My wife’s ability to shop online is a superpower, she can find a discount code for a black hole.
• I told my wife she was a bit dramatic, she then hired a stage crew to follow me around.
• My wife is a master of sarcasm; she once complimented my outfit by saying “well, that’s certainly… something.”
• Our marriage is like a fine wine; it gets better with age, but also sometimes needs a little airing out.
• I tried to argue with my wife about the thermostat, but she has a degree in ‘climate control’ apparently.
• My wife’s sense of style is so unique, she could make a paper bag look like a haute couture masterpiece, and then ask me if I like it, and I will always say yes.
• My wife is a human lie detector; she always knows when I’m exaggerating about how much I helped with the dishes, and she calls me out on it, every time.
• My wife’s memory is selective; she remembers every embarrassing thing I’ve ever done, but not where she put her phone, or my birthday.
• My wife’s packing skills are legendary; she can fit a year’s worth of clothes into a weekend bag, and still have room for a spare opinion.
• I told my wife she was being too rigid, she then began measuring everything with a laser level, and also my patience.
• My wife said she needed space, so I built her a fort. Now she wants to talk about our “communication issues.”
• My wife’s organizational skills are so precise, she color-codes our leftovers based on the day they were cooked, and the level of guilt they inspire.

Anniversary Jokes: Celebrating Years of Shared Giggles

Marriage anniversaries call for celebration, and what better way than with a good laugh? “Anniversary Jokes” perfectly blend with marriage puns, offering a chance to revisit shared giggles over the years. From cheesy one-liners to relatable scenarios, these jokes add a lighthearted touch to marking milestones in your love story.

• Our marriage is like a fine cheese, it only gets better with age, and a little bit moldier.
• We’ve been married so long, we’ve started finishing each other’s… sandwiches, then arguing about who gets the last bite.
• This anniversary, let’s celebrate our love, which is like a well-worn couch, comfortable, familiar, and slightly stained.
• Another year of marriage, another year of me pretending to listen while you explain the rules to board games.
• Our love story is my favorite, it’s full of plot twists, unexpected chapters, and a distinct lack of an index.
• Happy anniversary to my partner in crime, who always helps me get away with the dishes, and also the bad jokes.
• We’ve been married for so long, we now have a shared language of eye rolls and sarcastic sighs.
• Our marriage is like a garden, it requires constant attention, and a lot of weeding, mostly of my bad habits.
• Happy anniversary! Let’s celebrate with a quiet night in, because we’re too old to go out.
• Another year of marriage, another year of me trying to figure out what you mean when you say ‘I’m fine.’
• Our love is like a good pair of socks, perfectly mismatched, but always together, and they always make me feel comfortable.
• Cheers to another year of marriage, where we continue to navigate life, and also the remote control.
• Happy anniversary! Let’s celebrate by doing absolutely nothing, together, and then arguing about which show to watch.
• Our marriage is like a well-written novel, full of plot twists, cliffhangers, and a surprising amount of shared snacks.
• Another year of marriage, and I still haven’t figured out how to win an argument, but I still love you.

Engagement Puns: Popping the Question and the Jokes

Marriage is a serious commitment, but the journey can be filled with laughter! Engagement puns are a great way to start. From “I can’t wait to be wedded to you” to “Will you be my partner in wine?” these jokes add a lighthearted touch to popping the question. They’re the…

• Our love story is getting a new chapter, and I can’t wait to see if we’re on the same page.
• I guess you could say we’re about to embark on a real ‘ring’ adventure together.
• We decided to put a ring on it, because our hearts were already in sync.
• I knew she was the one when she said “yes” to my proposal and my dad jokes.
• Ready to get this show on the road to ‘I do,’ buckle up, honey!
• We’re finally tying the knot, and I can’t wait to see how many knots we’ll have to untangle together.
• We’re about to say “I do,” and I’m already practicing my “I told you so’s.”
• It’s time to start planning our wedding, because ‘I do’ want to spend the rest of my life with you.
• I’m so glad she said ‘yes’, I was afraid I was going to have to start using my backup plan… which was also her.
• We decided to make it official, and now we’re ready to ‘seal’ the deal with a kiss.
• She said yes, which means I’m officially stuck with all her bad habits, and she’s stuck with mine.
• We’re not just engaged, we’re ‘engaging’ in a lifetime of love and laughter.
• I proposed, she accepted, now we’re both in-’tent’ on making it work.
• I asked, she said yes, now I get to spend the rest of my life with my best friend and worst critic.
• Our engagement is a ‘promise’ of forever, and I can’t wait to see what life has in store for us.

Newlywed Jokes: The Honeymoon Phase of Humor

Newlywed jokes are a special breed in the marriage pun world. They capture that fresh, often awkward, honeymoon phase with playful jabs about adjusting to shared life. Think “I do” turning into “I’ll do the dishes” humor. It’s all lighthearted ribbing, a fun way to navigate the early quirks of…

• Our marriage is like a fine-tuned instrument, we’re always in tune, except when I’m trying to find the TV remote.
• We’re not just married, we’re in a ‘knot’ of love, and sometimes a bit tangled in the bedsheets.
• Marriage is a workshop, where the husband is always the ‘tool’ of the trade, and I’m always looking for the instructions.
• Our love story is my favorite, it’s full of plot twists, unexpected chapters, and a distinct lack of an index, but also a lot of shared snacks.
• We’ve tied the knot, now let’s see if we can untangle the laundry together.
• Our marriage is like a deck of cards, we have our ups and downs, but I always seem to be holding all the jokers, and also the bills.
• We’re not just engaged, we’re ‘engaging’ in a lifetime of love and laughter, and also a lot of shared grocery lists.
• Marriage is a series of shared moments, like when we both reach for the last slice of pizza at the same time, and it’s a real ‘slice’ of life.
• I knew she was the one when she said “yes” to my proposal and my dad jokes, it’s a real ‘pun’tastic love story.
• We decided to put a ring on it, because our hearts were already in sync, and my credit card was ready for a workout.
• I’m so glad she said ‘yes’, I was afraid I was going to have to start using my backup plan, which was also her, but with a different set of socks.
• Our love is like a Wi-Fi signal, strong and reliable, except when I’m trying to stream a movie, or when she’s trying to ‘unplug’ me.
• This anniversary, let’s celebrate our love, which is like a well-worn couch, comfortable, familiar, and slightly stained, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything.
• It’s time to start planning our wedding, because ‘I do’ want to spend the rest of my life with you, and also plan the seating chart, and the budget, and the…
• We’re about to say “I do,” and I’m already practicing my “I told you so’s,” just in case she forgets to put the toilet seat down.