250+ Puck-tastic Hockey Puns & Jokes: The Ultimate Ice-Breaker Guide

My nephew asked me to be the goalie for his street hockey game last weekend. I figured, “How hard can it be?” I strapped on some cricket pads and a bike helmet, feeling invincible. Five minutes later, I took a tennis ball to the shin and realized that “street hockey goalie” is just a fancy term for “target practice.” While I retired from my goalie career immediately, I did gain a new appreciation for the sport… and these puns!

We have compiled the ultimate list of 250+ Puck-tastic Hockey Puns & Jokes: The Ultimate Ice-Breaker Guide. Whether you are looking for Instagram captions, dad jokes, or just something to make you smile, we have got you covered.

Hockey Slang: Talk Like a Pro

1. That deke was filthy.
2. Top shelf where grandma hides the cookies.
3. Don’t be a hoser.
4. Putting on the foil.
5. Saucer pass perfection.
6. Going bar down.
7. Wheel, snipe, celly.
8. Chirping the bench.
9. Dangling the defense.
10. Five-hole goal.
11. Biscuit in the basket.
12. Flow like lettuce.
13. Gong show on the ice.
14. Sin bin time.
15. Clapper from the point.
16. Tic-tac-toe play.

Ice Rink Humor: Chilling Puns

1. This rink is ice to meet you.
2. Skating on thin ice with that joke.
3. Zamboni drivers have smooth moves.
4. Ice, ice, baby.
5. Just chilling at the rink.
6. Freezing my pucks off.
7. The ice is nice today.
8. Gliding through life.
9. Slippery slope to victory.
10. Cold hands, warm heart, frozen toes.
11. Rink rat for life.
12. Ice in my veins.
13. Keeping it cool under pressure.
14. Thawing out after the game.
15. Frosty reception from the other team.
16. Winter wonderland on skates.

See also: 200 Funny Ice Puns

Goalie Gags: Saving the Day

1. Goalies are keepers.
2. Save it for later.
3. Netminder on duty.
4. Brick wall mode activated.
5. Glove save and a beauty.
6. Blocking shots and haters.
7. Between the pipes.
8. Masked marvel.
9. Pad save perfection.
10. Shutout potential.
11. Goalies are a different breed.
12. Stacking the pads.
13. Rebound control.
14. Crease lightning.
15. Butterfly effect.
16. Five-hole closed for business.

Player Puns: Forward and Defense

1. Forward thinking.
2. Defense wins championships.
3. Center of attention.
4. Winger winner chicken dinner.
5. Blue line special.
6. Checking in on you.
7. Slashing the competition.
8. Hooking up with friends.
9. Tripping over my own feet.
10. Cross-checking the list.
11. Offsides? I was just eager.
12. Icing on the cake.
13. Face-off for the win.
14. Power play pro.
15. Penalty kill skill.
16. Line change life.

See also: 150 Best Sports Puns

Referee Riffs: Whistle While You Work

1. Don’t blow the whistle on me.
2. Stripes earning their stripes.
3. Calling it like I see it.
4. Two minutes for looking good.
5. Reviewing the play.
6. Drop the puck already.
7. Zebra on the ice.
8. Blind as a bat (just kidding).
9. Making the tough calls.
10. Game management 101.
11. Penalty box bound.
12. Fair play is the way.
13. Rules are rules.
14. Whistle happy.
15. Official business.
16. Breaking up the fight.

Hockey for Kids: Little Skaters

1. Why did the hockey player bring a ladder? To reach the high stick.
2. What do hockey players eat? Puck-cakes.
3. Why was the rink hot? All the fans.
4. How do you fix a broken hockey stick? With a puck-et of glue.
5. What is a hockey player’s favorite tea? Penal-tea.
6. Why did the puck go to school? To get a little smarter.
7. Where do hockey players keep their money? In a snow bank.
8. What do you call a monkey who plays hockey? A chimp-ion.
9. Why are hockey players good at math? They know the angles.
10. What’s a ghost’s favorite position? Ghoul-ie.
11. Why did the coach go to the bank? To get his quarterback.
12. What animal is good at hockey? A score-pion.
13. Why is the ice so slippery? It has no friction.
14. What do you call a frozen dog? A pup-sicle.
15. Why did the hockey player sit on the ice? He wanted to chill.
16. How do you stop a rhino from charging? Take away his credit card (and skates).

Romantic Hockey Puns: Love on Ice

1. You’ve melted my heart.
2. I’m stuck on you.
3. You’re a keeper.
4. My goal is you.
5. Let’s stick together.
6. Pucking love you.
7. Ice to see you, sweetheart.
8. You’re my hat trick.
9. Love at first shift.
10. Checking you out.
11. You score with me.
12. My heart is on a power play.
13. Let’s break the ice.
14. Skating into your heart.
15. Binding love.
16. You’re the captain of my heart.

Hockey Mishaps: Penalty Box Humor

1. I went to a fight and a hockey game broke out.
2. Toothless grin wins.
3. Bruised but not broken.
4. Stitched up and ready to go.
5. Boarding school.
6. High sticking situation.
7. Roughing it out.
8. Misconduct managed.
9. Ejection rejection.
10. Fighting for the puck.
11. Penalty box solitude.
12. Bench warmer blues.
13. Healthy scratch.
14. Equipment malfunction.
15. Broken stick, broken dreams.
16. Lost an edge.

Hockey vs. Other Sports: The Face-Off

1. Hockey players have fire in their hearts and ice in their veins.
2. Basketball is for height, hockey is for might.
3. Football has pads, we have armor.
4. Soccer requires one ball, hockey requires two.
5. Baseball has diamonds, we have rinks.
6. Golf is a good walk spoiled; hockey is a good fight interrupted.
7. Tennis is a racket; hockey is a stick up.
8. Rugby is tough, hockey is faster.
9. Swimming is wet; hockey is frozen.
10. Running is cardio; hockey is intervals.
11. Volleyball is net; hockey is net.
12. Cricket is confusing; hockey is straightforward.
13. Bowling is striking; hockey is slashing.
14. Cycling is spinning; hockey is winning.
15. Boxing is punching; hockey is checking.
16. Wrestling is grappling; hockey is scrapping.

See also: 150 Best Team Building Funny Quotes

Q&A Riddles: Brain Freezers

1. Q: Why was the hockey player arrested? A: For shooting the puck.
2. Q: What do you call a hockey player who tells tall tales? A: A lyre-bird.
3. Q: Why is it hot in a hockey stadium? A: Because there are so many fans.
4. Q: What do you call a person who walks over you? A: A doormat (or a defenseman).
5. Q: Why did the hockey player visit the bank? A: To give out some checks.
6. Q: What is a hockey player’s favorite part of a computer? A: The hard drive (to the net).
7. Q: Why did the skeleton go to the hockey game? A: To see the zamboni-ed.
8. Q: What do you call a pig who plays hockey? A: A ball hog.
9. Q: Why don’t hockey players get hot? A: Because of all the fans.
10. Q: What do you call a hockey player with no legs? A: Neil.
11. Q: Why did the cookie go to the hockey game? A: He was a batter.
12. Q: What do you call a dinosaur playing hockey? A: Tricera-tops shelf.
13. Q: Why did the fish play hockey? A: Just for the halibut.
14. Q: What is a hockey player’s favorite day? A: Fri-day night lights.
15. Q: Why did the computer go to the hockey game? A: It had a hard drive.
16. Q: What do you call a bear with no teeth? A: A gummy bear (or a hockey player).

Knock-Knock Hockey Jokes: Who’s There?

1. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Puck. Puck who? Puck-er up!
2. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Net. Net who? Net-hing but net.
3. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Goal. Goal who? Goal-ly gee, it’s cold.
4. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Ice. Ice who? Ice to see you!
5. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Stick. Stick who? Stick with me kid.
6. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Skate. Skate who? Skate me out to the ball game.
7. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Zam. Zam who? Zam-boni driver!
8. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Ref. Ref who? Ref-eree wants a cookie.
9. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Coach. Coach who? Coach me if you can.
10. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Slap. Slap who? Slap shot!
11. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Check. Check who? Check mate.
12. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Stanley. Stanley who? Stanley Cup.
13. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Hattrick. Hattrick who? Hattrick or treat.
14. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Five. Five who? Five hole.
15. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Blue. Blue who? Blue line.
16. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Red. Red who? Red light goal!

Dad Jokes about Hockey: Major Penalties

1. I watched a hockey game on TV. It was cool.
2. Why don’t hockey players tell jokes? They might crack up the ice.
3. My son asked me what a hockey puck is made of. I said, ‘I don’t know, but it matters.’
4. Why did the hockey player bring a map? He got lost in the zone.
5. I tried to play hockey with a bagel. It was a sweet shot.
6. My wife said I watch too much hockey. I said, ‘Put a sock in it’ (hockey sock).
7. Why did the hockey player go to the bakery? He needed more dough for the team.
8. I asked the zamboni driver how his job was. He said, ‘It has its ups and downs.’
9. What do you call a hockey player who can’t stop talking? A commentator.
10. Why did the hockey player wear two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.
11. I’m reading a book about the history of hockey. It’s groundbreaking.
12. Why did the hockey player bring a ladder? To get to the next level.
13. My dad’s favorite team is the Oilers. He’s very slick.
14. What do you call a hockey player who loves to dance? A puck-er.
15. Why did the hockey player get a job at the bank? He was good at saving.
16. I told a hockey joke at a party. It broke the ice.

Funny One-Liners: Quick Shots

1. Puck yeah!
2. What the puck?
3. Stick it to the man.
4. Give a puck.
5. Holy puck!
6. Mother pucker.
7. Ice holes.
8. Kiss my ice.
9. Skate or die.
10. Born to play hockey.
11. Eat, sleep, play hockey.
12. Hockey is life.
13. Keep your stick on the ice.
14. He shoots, he scores!
15. Great day for hockey.
16. Drop the gloves.

See also: 150 Best Winter Puns

Hockey Facts & Trivia: Did You Know?

1. The first puck was a frozen cow turd. Seriously.
2. The Stanley Cup is over 100 years old. Old trophy.
3. Hockey was played in the Olympics in 1920. Summer games first.
4. The fastest slap shot was 108.8 mph. Zdeno Chara.
5. The Montreal Canadiens have the most Stanley Cups. Dynasty.
6. Wayne Gretzky is the Great One. No argument.
7. A hat trick is 3 goals. Throw the hats.
8. The zamboni was invented in 1949. Smooth ice.
9. Goalies didn’t always wear masks. Brave souls.
10. The NHL was founded in 1917. Century of hockey.
11. The ‘Original Six’ teams. Classics.
12. Hockey is Canada’s national winter sport. Obviously.
13. The Detroit Red Wings octopus tradition. 8 wins.
14. Playoff beards are a thing. Superstition.
15. The golden goal. Sudden death.
16. Hockey players are tough. Teeth optional.

Instagram Captions: Pic Perfect Pucks

1. Rink side vibes.
2. Puck bunny.
3. Hockey hair, don’t care.
4. Ice cold.
5. Game on.
6. Slap shot swagger.
7. Zamboni zone.
8. Hat trick hero.
9. Penalty box poser.
10. Stanley Cup dreams.
11. Hockey night in [Your City].
12. Bleeding [Team Colors].
13. Stick handling skills.
14. Goal celebration.
15. Face-off fierce.
16. Love and hockey.